Guarded Heart

Guarded Heart

I have given this topic quite a bit of thought. The topic I am referring to is of the heart. I sat back thinking about the people who guard themselves. I think every person that reads this blog will be able to think of at least one person who guards their heart from anyone. I honestly feel like there are different reasons for guarding and I wanted to cover some of those and why I think all of this can be good and bad.

First, you need to know what guarding your heart and yourself means. I think the simple answer is that people are tired of getting hurt. They are tired of letting things that don’t matter on an every day basis effect their life. For this reason people will do what they can to guard themselves from being hurt. No one likes to feel disappointment or hurt and especially from things that come from Second Life.

I have heard some things like… “I am in a virtual world and don’t care to let people know anything about myself.” Another comment I have heard is, “I have gotten hurt in the past by opening up, so I choose not to open up to anyone anymore”. These are two very valid statements when you talk about opening up to others in Second Life. I have personally protected myself in the past from constant lies. Lies can come from many things, but we mostly see lies coming from relationships in Second Life.

I think it is important to acknowledge the lies that we tell ourselves before we deal with the lies that we are told by others. A major lie that is told by yourself can be that you need someone else to add value to yourself. The truth is that no one else can add value to your life except you. By living down this lie that you tell yourself you can save yourself a ton of heart ache when or if a relationship ends. Another lie you tell yourself is that everyone is in a relationship so you need to be in one as well. The truth is that you need to do what is right for you and not what others are doing. You have to believe that you are worthy enough to wait for someone and not just settle for what is right now. Do not cheapen yourself. There are many other lies that can be said, but I believe these two are the absolute worse in SL.

Next you need to watch the lies that are told to you. This is where things can get tricky. Most automatically think of a situation where you were lied to in Second Life. I can think of two specific situations which I think most can relate to as well. One was when a family member lied about every aspect of their life to the point of not knowing what was true and what wasn’t. Why tell someone something that isn’t true? We should always focus on what the truth is and if you do not want to share something, then just don’t say anything. That is easier than telling a lie that could potentially hurt someone else. The second thing would be a lie from a partner in Second Life. This partner could be a boyfriend or a girlfriend that you are dating or someone that you are actually partnered to. Whatever type or relationship you have, when lies are told it is hard to gain the trust back. There are some who choose just to never go there and so they think they are safe… but are they?

I often wonder what you get by being distant from others. I tried this at one point and all I became was miserable because I shut people out of most of my life. Yes, I still had general conversations with people, but I never felt like I was better off that way. Maybe I wasn’t ok with shutting people out from my heart because I had been on both side of things. I felt like it is better to open up with a chance of getting hurt than to never know what it feels like to have people genuinely care about you. I am not saying not to guard your heart against the many people who try to enter it, but I think its important to notice who matters and who is worth the time to let in. How to find that out is really up to you! TOOTLES!

Credits:

Skin: Pink Acid– Masuku for Lelutka mesh head

Head: Lelutka– Stella

Body: Maitreya– Lara Mesh Body

Hair: TRUTH– Ami

Jewelry: Empyrean Forge– Mohio bracelet

Dress: Dead Dollz- Ellaria dress in Salmon @ The Fantasy Collective

Nothing Left but…

You say you love me, you say you care...

Emptiness. That is all that is left when little white lies are told to make someone feel better. The question though is who does this make feel better? It certainly isn’t just the one who the lies are being told to. Everyone has told a white lie in their lifetime and probably in the last week if you really think about it. What bothers me is when those lies build and build until it becomes something that is way out of control. I seem to worry about the white lies more than I should. You know, when you tell someone oh yeah that looks great on you and you just say it because if you told them they looked like crap it would hurt their feelings so you just say something polite. Sounds bad huh? Yeah well this has happened to me a few times. No one decided to tell me the truth which would have been a heck of a lot better in the end. I mean does anyone really want to be lied to? What you may not realize is that your white lie actually does hurt someone…and when they build it ends up being i love you and i wont ever leave you and then BAM next thing you know it was all pointless and your left with nothing.

Nothing left but..

I have been thinking about the nothing portion of this as I have been going out to meet people. I have been given one empty promise or comment after another and I got to thinking does anyone actually mean what they say? For example, I was out again the other night and met a guy who told me I was beautiful and so sweet and blah blah.. didn’t know me at ALL! He then tells me a couple of days later that he met this women who was…. and then he proceeded to give the SAME example of what he thought of her that he did me. I was curious of the wording so I went back to look at chats. Sure enough! Not like I really was worried about this, but I do worry if he does give these lines to some lady who actually believes him. What does a person get out of bring so full of it… I mean really?!?! So, I think this is a good reason for me to hide in the shadows most of the time. It is hard being mostly an introvert and having to force yourself out there when you know things like this happen. Maybe a slight fear for myself. Oh you mean you didn’t know I was really an introvert? Yeah well I prefer to usually be alone and writing like this to me is just like writing a journal for myself. I don’t think too much on who reads it. Anyway, getting way away from my intent of this post. TOOTLES!

Credits:

Skin: Lara Hurley– Scarlett in dark

Head: TheMeshProject– classic deluxe w/ Scarlett applier

Body: Maitreya– Lara Mesh Body w/ Scarlett applier

Eyes: IKON– Sovereign eyes in Fjord

Hair: TRUTH- Gilda @ The Arcade

Tattoo: Reckless- Haze @ Uber

Dress: Entice- Diamond dress in red @ Designer Showcase

Shoes: AnaMarkova- Mya Heels in Onyx @ Designer Showcase

Furniture in first photo:

Couch: Trompe Loeil– Alyce Bench leather white

Rug: REDGRAVE– Jonas Rug

Flowers: keke– paeons and magnolias set pink

What tickles your feet?

What tickles your feet... ermm fancy?

First, I need to inform everyone that Designer Showcase has now moved! You may want to mark that down in your landmarks so that you have the current location. Second, The Arcade is open and is FABULOUS! Good luck getting in but if you want to hit up yard sales you have that option as well. I think I might end up doing both!

On another note, I have planned on starting to describe what I would call encounter disasters. Maybe not all of them are disasters, but they are interesting and I get a kick out of some of the random weird things that are said to me during first hello’s and first dates. I thought about writing about the first date the other night where the guy obsessed over his hair for 2 hours. I think I saw every hair on the grid just standing there watching him change. My eyes crossed! I think it might be a little more appropriate to tell you about a first encounter. I wasn’t really expecting much to happen this night; however, I decided to head out to Frank’s Place Jazz Club. I went to the free club because honestly there are single (or claims of being single) people there who actually will talk or ask you to dance. At the paid portion of Frank’s Elite it ends up being a ton of couples and all smooches which sorry…. I am not that sappy! Anyhow, I was sitting there talking to a some friends who are just great. We were all smiles and laughing and then just when the white undies turn into the white flag of surrender, the message of the night comes along.

I received a rather polite response from a man who was actually wearing a mesh suit and seemed to try to take care of himself as best as possible. I say this because it seems to be rare here as well. No, I am not being snobby, it is just nice to appreciate someone who tries to look nice. The first few comments were a polite hello and a message that he was just looking through my Flickr and liked what he saw but that he had a question for me. He asked… randomly… if I had a shoe fetish. This was by far the most interesting first question that I have received in a long time. As I explained that I was a blogger and sometimes I like to include just a shoe photo… that wasn’t a good enough answer apparently! He then began to explain that my photos were disconcertingly sexy… oh hell, I will just post this and leave this here for you to read….

XXX: the way you take those pics is disconcertingly sexy

Tessa Rosca (tessagrace51): slight foot fetish yourself? lol

XXX: it’s a fair question… the truth is I really don’t know if I do or not. I don’t think I have a typical foot fetish but I do find female feet and legs attractive. I wish I didn’t though

Tessa Rosca (tessagrace51): hm you wish you didn’t? As in you wish that they weren’t female or that you had an attraction to another body part?

XXX: lol I wish I had no reaction to those body parts. Let me give you an example of what I mean…

XXX: your 1st life picture is awesome. It’s very sexy but at the same time it’s not explicitly sexual There is a subtlety to it, which is something missing in a lot of SL photography. I can look at it, make these observations and appreciate it without having any undue reaction. On the other hand some of the pictures in your flickr I feel like I have a disproportionate reaction to. After all they are just pictures of pixels and in many of them you’re wearing more than in your 1st life pic

Tessa Rosca (tessagrace51): that is a very interesting observation. The reason may be that I did not actually take the photo in my first life pic. It was done by a friend. Im not sure what the difference is in the flickr photos as opposed to that one really.

Tessa Rosca (tessagrace51): and here I thought you might just offer to buy me shoes to relieve some of the pressure there lol

XXX: lol

XXX: do you mind if I ask you a purely hypothetical question about that scenario?

Tessa Rosca (tessagrace51): lol go for it

XXX: hypothetically if I had bought you shoes which you were wearing and showing them off for me. If you could tell that you were arousing me, would that be arousing for you?

Tessa Rosca (tessagrace51): hm this is a rather interesting hypothetical

Now, I will stop the conversation here because the rest was just kind of… blah! This was basically the root and ending of the conversation which shouldn’t come as a surprise. I have two take away’s here. First, Do not try to act like your some kind of upstanding guy who just doesn’t do sexual things in SL. I have met… TWO men who actually aren’t interested in things like this. I felt like he was somewhat trying to be shy but come on.. you start off asking a women about a shoe fetish? The second thing that I took away… was that I take more photos of my legs and shoes that I realized. OOPS! Live and learn right?

Well for my first relationship/dating/encounters post I think i went rather well. I might tell you about the guy wanting the sex train later but I needed to start off a little soft. 😛 TOOTLES!

Credits:

Skin: Lara Hurley– Scarlett in dark

Head: TheMeshProject– classic deluxe w/ Scarlett applier

Body: Maitreya– Lara Mesh Body w/ Scarlett applier

Eyes: IKON– Sovereign eyes in Fjord

Hair: TRUTH- Damaris @ The Arcade 

Top: U.Refined- Sassy chained top in teal @ Designer Showcase

Capris: Blueberry– Rolled Cuff Jeans curvy

Shoes: Lybra!- Arlie in natural (high slink add on) @ Designer Showcase

Photograph

In A Photograph

We all tend to hide things well when we don’t want our deepest darkest secrets to be found. I think about this scarf on my head and how easily it hides my hair or if I wanted to cover my face with it I easily could. Maybe we use the computer screen like this scarf. We hide behind the screen so that others don’t get a glimpse at things they may not like. I have sat back thinking this week on secrets. It happens to be the things that we don’t say that end up hurting the worse. We pretend and we act like things are great when they aren’t and then when its out for people to see, you get the sad smirks or the nods or just the “how are you doing?” comments from people who never bothered to see how you were before this. Some might get angry with that, but I find it slightly comforting to know that someone out there does care. They care to know what kind of secrets you hide because maybe they will accept you for how you are and not how you appear on the outside.

I also feel like it is good to think about the times when you feel this way. Maybe as a reminder that you don’t have to feel like this or be like this anymore if you don’t choose it. I look at the people who are closed off and wonder how they could be happy. Maybe you don’t get close to get hurt, but you are part of the problem and the ones who hurt those who do like to get close. I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but its just part of the thought process this week. I would ask that people do yourself a favor. Be real and honest from the start and don’t let little white lies hide who you really are or how you really feel. A song of memory for myself would be photograph by Ed Sheeran which I have had on semi repeat for the past 24 hours. If you are going to listen, please pay close attention to he lyrics. They bring a calm that is a nice relief.  Enjoy and TOOTLES!

Credits:

Skin: Lara Hurley– Scarlett in dark

Head: TheMeshProject– classic deluxe w/ Scarlett applier

Body: Maitreya– Lara Mesh Body w/ Scarlett applier

Eyes: IKON– Sovereign eyes in Fjord

Hair: Tableau Vivant- Luce @ Collabor88

Scarf w/ outfit: SlackGirl- Penumbra scarf, top, and pants with high heels @ PENUMBRA SS Fashion Week 2015