Flirting 105

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Flirting with danger is a statement we have all read about or heard from people when they talk about doing something dangerous. Do you consider flirting with a partnered or a person who is taken as a dangerous act?

The past two weeks I have asked some men and women questions about flirting and how they felt on certain subjects. You can view the women’s answer here. One of these was flirting with someone who was taken. There were some mixed reviews on the topic. On one hand….. if this was RL then people would more than likely say no. With this being SL, people are a little more relaxed on the topic. How comfortable do you really need to be in order to flirt with someone taken. A lot of the answers suggests that you flirt just to be nice and have a little bit of fun and maybe make a new friend. What if you are taken yourself? Do you then try to flirt with others to mix things up or for excitement? What if you take things one way and the other person takes things a totally different way? Maybe this whole blog will be questions because really I have no idea. All these thoughts run around when I think about this subject.

Personally, I am in an open relationship so flirting is allowed and understood and pretty much expected among other things. Have been in all kinds of relationships in SL and it seems none really work as well as the open ones. I think the key to being open and being able to flirt with others is the honesty that comes along with it. Who would want to feel sleazy by flirting and then hiding stuff from your partner or significant other? What works for one person though may not be right for the other. All this being said, I think about flirting with danger and a little thrill begins to come over me and it may just be addicting. Of course, the dangerous part I am referring to is how others will take your cute comments or sly advances. Others intentions aren’t always known in SL. I wish there was a giant sign over someone’s head screaming what their real intentions were. Wouldn’t that be so easy? That way the harmless flirt wouldn’t turn into one person wanting more than the other did. AHHHHHH!!!

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I figured a nice flirty outfit and poses would do the trick to set this post off. I may not have all my thoughts together on the subject, but I at least can look the part! I ran over to the FashionArt Fair and picked up this sexy revealing dress called Julie by B BOS. -{ZOZ}- also released these awesome From Hell heels which are a high slink add on. They really set an edgier and more dangerous feel to the dress. Of course, I could just be standing around and it wouldn’t look near as sexy as I do in this armchair. This chair is made by Demise of Flight and comes with 6 different poses for photos. I enjoy being able to use props for pictures and these were really nice to work with. Everything you need for a sexy flirting adventure can be found at the FashionArt Fair. The fair closes on the 31st of May so not much longer to enjoy these designs! TOOTLES

Flirting 104

Last week, I gave everyone a glimpse into the male mind when it comes to flirting. Now this in no way represents every guy and I am sure some had a few choice words to say about it. This week I would like to only be fair and bring you the Female answers to the exact same questions. Hopefully you will learn a little something about what women REALLY think and want.

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I am going to explain again how this is going to go…. I am going to not give out names of the women that I ask. I feel like it will only be fair to get accurate answers and the truth of how they feel. These women I have known for a little while and have been in SL long enough to see these questions from several angles. You will know them as Female A, Female B, and Female C. I will also take this opportunity to give my responses to these questions. If you would like to compare the females responses with the males you may take a look at the Flirting 103 blog post. Here we go…

What attracts you to someone that makes you want to flirt with them?

Female A: To start, their looks and then if I continue depends on personality

Female B: In SL it would definitely be looks

Female C: Someone who makes me laugh, who is warm and complimentary. Am a sucker for nice looking pixels and style, I have to find them attractive.

Tessa: I always read someones profile first. They could look amazing but if they do not put effort into telling me SOMETHING then I am not really interested. So I guess I will say effort… I look for effort!

How do you generally begin flirting with someone and how can you tell they are flirting with you?

Female A: I start off just talking to them and then slowly go from there..Mostly it is just suggestive Jokes.

Female B: Most of the time it is just a friendly smile or I emote a shy sweet response and then see where it goes

Female C: Compliments are usually a nice first step. Can be an icebreaker – giving and receiving.

Tessa: Well I have been told I am horrible at this. I let the guy make the first move and I just respond however I feel… usually something sarcastic and flirty

Do you have different levels of flirting ?

Female A: I think so Depending if it is just as a joke or someone that I am really interested in.

Female B: Yes but would take me an essay to explain them all

Female C: Oh yes – you can flirt with friends, lovers and even girlfriends!! Doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s going to lead to any big romance,,or your next lover. Of course, when it does step up to that level, then flirting becomes almost like a part of foreplay 🙂

Tessa: Maybe? I guess everyone does have a level they will push to if they are interested in someone

What do you hope to accomplish with flirting?

Female A: Sometimes I just want a little harmless flirting back. If it is someone special I would like it to be an opening to knowing how they feel about me

Female B: I want to make friends who are fun and don’t take things so seriously

Female C: As I said above, flirting can be different things to different people – can make you smile, make you blush,,,depending on the level of ‘flirt’

Tessa: I figure making a friend wouldn’t hurt… if something more comes from that then so be it!

Have you ever had flirting backfire?

Female A: Yes. I was doing some harmless flirting or rather what I thought was and I ended up hurting someone special cause he thought I really wanted the other guy.

Female B: Stalkers are made by harmless flirting!!! That is a terrible backfire

Female C: Not really – I think am pretty perceptive and can read when something isn’t being received well – um,,hopefully 🙂

Tessa: If being told I don’t know how to flirt is a backfire then I guess so 🙂

What makes your flirting stop dead in it’s tracks?

Female A: As soon as someone takes it to serious and I don’t or if they are partnered and want it to lead to something more.

Female B: Horrible humor that ends up turning the conversation somewhere I am not comfortable with

Female C: *uck Off – usually works!! I think you have to read the person, you will know instinctively if you’re well received.

Tessa: Do not boast to me about your sex life!!!!! Honestly I do not want to know what number on your list that I could be if things go in that direction. That is a winner right there ladies!

Would you flirt with someone that is partnered or taken?

Female A: I Have as a light flirt. Nothing serious. I do let them know that is all it is now though.

Female B: Not unless the relationship was open. I have found most men are out to cheat and will try if they are flirted with

Female C: Not intentionally, no – however, I wouldn’t ever hesitate in paying someone a compliment or tell them they looked fabulous or stylish,,,,it’s not intentionally flirting,,just paying attention.

Tessa: This is always a tricky question. I put this question in because I felt iffy about it myself. I do not like to step on toes and I do not feel like a little flirting will do that. On another note, I have had that flirting turn to something more and next thing I knew the women was yelling at me for breaking up her relationship. It is a fine line and I think that each person has to make that decision based on how they interact with that person.

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As I ventured into the world of flirting, I wanted to explore and snap some shots of a new place I haven’t been before. I spent my day answering these questions and figuring out just what the sum of all of this means. I found a cozy spot at The Millhouse Beanery and started to reflect. It really is a nice place to look around. I think it is rather small but packed completely with lovely little things to see. It reminded me a lot of my old landing and made me reflect on some good and bad parts of my SL, which funny enough had a lot to do with flirting.

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 I think each person will draw from this little experiment what they feel is necessary for their SL. For me personally, I have seen that maybe the person I have been in SL for a long time was caused by some flirting backfires and has molded me into someone that I do not even recognize anymore. When did I stop enjoying just the harmless playful stuff in SL and become so serious about things? I am lucky and have found someone to open my eyes up on this whole subject. Encouragement sometimes can have the largest effect on a person. Encouragement to follow dreams or, in this case, find the ME I have always meant to be. Do not let others discourage you from what you feel is right for you. Maybe this will continue into another blog for a later date… but for now… TOOTLES!

Flirting 103

I just wanted to first say… that this little experiment for myself has really been eye opening. Maybe not gone exactly like I had hoped it would, but definitely revealed more than I thought. Someone was quick to point out though…. that it would be beneficial to have an opinion from the male side of things. No, not like the male in my last post that wrote his dating guide! I wouldn’t try to subject you to such a horrific reading experience. I want to ask a few of my male friends some anonymous questions about flirting and see what kind of answers I get. Every person differs… will be fun to see just how they do!

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To explain how this will work… I am going to not give out names of the men that I ask. I feel like it will only be fair to get accurate answers and the truth of how they feel. These men I have known for a little while and I feel like these aren’t the type of men who are just trying to get with your pixels! You will know them as Male A, Male B, and Male C. The questions are just based off of some things that I would like to know about from a males point of view.

What attracts you to someone that makes you want to flirt with them?

Male A: Usually personality but that’s not the only thing involved… I mean no one wants to flirt with an ill tempered, depressed stick in the mud, but after that looks matter.

Male B: Outer beauty. They have to be beautiful to my standards

Male C: Many things but mostly open minded and cheerful character.

How do you generally begin flirting with someone and how can you tell they are flirting with you?

Male A: Well you cant always tell but usually its little jokes or subliminal innuendos

Male B: Being funny. Talking about funny stuff to melt the ice

Male C: I really don’t know…its some kind of chemistry that combine many smileys, short and ambiguous messages so you have to think most of the day what the hell she was thinking about and so on… To be truth, in my opinion, there is a thin line between flirt and seducing.

Do you have different levels of flirting ?

Male A: Of course. You don’t flirt with a random person as you would a lover… you never know how it would be taken… turns out I am not always as funny as I think.

Male B: Yes, first can be just compliments and it can get to be sexual later

Male C: Yes. With different personalities goes different ways of flirting.

What do you hope to accomplish with flirting?

Male A: Usually to make new friends.ou never know who you’ll meet

Male B: Meet someone beautiful to go on dates and enjoy exploring even if she lets it go to some sweet love making.

Male C: Hmm… interesting question… I don’t know, maybe attention or just knowing that somebody on this planet has some sort of feeling about you, make people behave better or just… because I can

Have you ever had flirting backfire?

Male A: Of course people can take it that you meant more by it

Male B: Of course, you fail a lot and learn from it, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Male C: Yes, many times I blame cultural differences, sometimes age but mostly language, which is hard to translate.

What makes your flirting stop dead in it’s tracks?

Male A:  A poor attitude or if someone gets clingy and weird

Male B:  I’d stop if I don’t like her attitude, if shes distant, emotionless, or if shes seeing someone

Male C: Feeling that the other side is not interested.

Would you flirt with someone that is partnered or taken?

Male A: Yeah, just because I flirt doesn’t mean I have sexual intentions. It is more of an ice breaker

Male B: Not anymore. It means only sex or dealing with the drama of that relationship, I’m looking for a single girl to be with.

Male C: Yes but not with seducing intention, just friendly.

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 To think on these answers, I headed over and took a few relaxing shots at TIME OUT. This sim left me a little excited to be able to explore the rest. There is honestly everything you could possibly want to photograph here. From a lovely bridge and river, which I have pictured at the beginning of this post, to a beach and honestly everything in between. There is a lighthouse, a playground, a dancing area, and even a spooky walking area with a creepy house. Definitely a place to spend hours exploring. I even hear they are having a photo contest, if that interests anyone. This also may be a perfect place to meet someone and engage in a little flirting of your own.

🙂 TOOTLES

Flirting 102

So, as I have been looking into this SecondLife flirting thing… I decided to do a google search. I always google search things… you never know what you could find and I certainly found some interesting reads. These things were posted a long time ago… like 2009 and 2011. One was a more recent post at the end of 2012 but really nothing current on the topic of flirting that I could find. I found articles about personal experiences with meeting different people. Photos of these people and quotes from their profile and how they contradicted themselves when you actually talked to them. I came upon a males guide to flirting in SecondLife. That was rather interesting to see a males perspective on what they think women want to hear or what women find attractive. He was about 70% accurate on some things… but truly men are clueless sometimes! Also, I found a rather plentiful amount of Cheating and Divorce articles written which were all caused by SecondLife. I am not going to get into all of that, but it was a rather interesting read! One common thing in all of these articles was the statement made… Harmless Flirting!

[we're CLOSED] block letters available at the Cosmopolitan Sales Room
[we’re CLOSED] block letters available at the Cosmopolitan Sales Room– Letters can be rotated to spell out anything you like. Full alphabet and numbers available in the set.

In the first article I mentioned… the lady who was writing explained how she never meets these men more than once. The meeting is just by chance when dancing or out and about exploring, but that the common thread between them all was that they came to SL to learn and to explore how others are. She explains how a little harmless flirting is really no issue at all and welcomed.

In the male written article, I was a tad more shocked. This man goes into detail of how to insult women to get them to get caught up. That women love to be insulted on a certain level. The example he gave wasn’t an insult at all actually but in his eyes he was being rather rude. Makes me wonder how many poor souls took this mans advice. It would be like me writing a cook book and trying to sell it. What a joke! Apparently when you tease a women it shows that you feel great about yourself and have the self confidence to say you don’t care what she thinks about you. I wonder just how pitiful this person truly feels behind his computer screen to try to make others feel this way. Truthfully, if a guy started insulting me and teasing me I would probably find a “kick in the balls” animation and hit the block button. These little tricks may work for the women who come to SL with no self respect, but really what are you trying to get with this? Trying to show just how bad ass your avatar is? AHHH I crack myself up thinking about it!

On to the cheating and divorce. SecondLife advertises for this by the way. Perfect place to cheat is what some articles call it. Deception at it’s best! Not what I expected when I google searched flirting but hey it does happen. A few articles were pretty terrifying to think people would react the way they have, but again I am not going there…

The sum of all of these google search articles is, basically, no one has any idea of how another person will react. There is no guide to flirting. In RL there are articles about how to flirt and when to flirt. Crossing your legs and leaning to the side as you play with your hair. I always just viewed that as looking extremely desperate for someone to show you attention. In SL, we replace that body language with slutty clothes that barely cover your private parts and that is if you even care to cover. We give people pet names…. Some do this out of habit but I don’t generally walk around calling people babydoll, sugarpie, or lover. In the culture I was raised, calling people hun and sweetie were the normal and most do consider these pet names as well. If I see someone put in their profile “DO NOT CALL ME HUN” I make sure I stay away. It is kind of a southern thing! I found myself this week in a rather uncomfortable position with someone just like this. She asked me a question about something that I had on and as I was saying no problem hun for her thank you… I got a rather rude “do not call me hun” message from her. As I proceeded to check her profile out, because now I am really curious, I see she has this in bold text. Just a side note for those who care, never try to ask people why they are so offended be this word. It never ends well!

Flirting 101

AHHHH The art of flirting in SecondLife can be a bit of a challenge. I bring up this topic because of several reasons. One, I don’t believe I actually know how to flirt. Two, I feel like people have a different definition on what flirting is. This topic seems to come up a lot. And three, when is it appropriate to be a little flirtatious as opposed to coming on hard. What are the signs that you look for when you think someone may be flirting with you and just how are you suppose to respond to that? More than likely, I won’t be covering all of these in one post because I feel like it might take me a long time… so this is going to be a tad of an experiment for me. I do love blogging on fashion, but sometimes people have other interest and this is something I have been thinking about so here we go…

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How do you flirt? I always believed that a really nice compliment to someone could be taken as flirting. Is that really the case though? Maybe it is the context in which the compliment is given? For example, if I were to tell a friend they look really nice today… is that just being polite or would it be a flirt if I added a smiley face to it or a wink? Some say they can tell the flirting by the smiles added to the context, but really… I do that ALL the time. Mainly to show that I am happy or that I am in a good mood. It is so hard to tell how someone feels over a computer. Voicing and all that does help you hear inflections in someones voice, but not everyone is going to jump on voice or skype to chat. It is certainly something I don’t do with people because I feel that makes things personal. More personal than I want to be with someone who I am just meeting. It always baffles me when I just don’t get it. I have my “blonde” moments a lot and sometimes I just don’t notice when someone is flirting. Maybe this is why I have been told I can’t flirt. It is really hard for me to distinguish between what is a flirt and what is just being nice to someone. Because of this, I have decided to do a little experiment in SL. I am going to start going out and trying different approaches to flirting. Yes anyone who sees my blog posts will know what I am doing but really what is the harm with flirting? It may lead to something more yes… but that is total speculation and not the outcome in most cases. Sometimes people just want to feel good about themselves. Ever go out just wanting a little bit of a pick me up mixed with some flirting? If you say you haven’t ever felt that way then you are LYING!

How do you begin to flirt with someone? In RL most of us start with body language. That part is completely taken away in SL. Some could argue a really good AO might make a difference and your avatar is flirting based on how your AO makes you move, but really that isn’t true. Your AO moves that way regardless if you are flirting or not. We are only left with our words. Most say the flirting starts when you IM a person. Honestly, I believe it begins when you read someones profile. How many usually message someone based off of just seeing them and not checking their profile? They may have something funny that draws you in or something you both agree on or you could possibly have a few groups in common that might cause you to message a person. I can say that what will first attract me is the looks. If you put time and effort into your avatar then it shows you can put time and effort into other things. No not talking about a relationship, but it does show that you do care more than just to log in and try to get some pixel sex. Have been told that makes me an avatar snob because I believe people should try to look good. So be it! All hail Snob Tessa!!! lol. Truthfully, I am not rude to people, but I would flirt with someone who looks good. Just a personal opinion. So, if I see a nice looking avatar and for me that could be male or female, then I will look into someones profile. If this person doesn’t put time into a profile then I think that this avatar is either an alt so they can run around or just doesn’t care. I had one guy I met tell me I was paranoid by saying this, which he is entitled to his opinion… but I just go off of my personal experience and that is what it has been. My rez date does not reflect my real age in SL which most people do not know about me, but I am definitely not new to this whole game people try to play. But to recap, It goes… good looking avi, read profile, and then if I get up enough courage I will message… or I will sit there hoping that this person sends me a message also. Yes, I am a tad shy when it comes to these things. It is always a mystery to me if guys actually like to be contacted first or they like to be the pursuer. Regardless… my reaction in IM is based on those two things first.

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I do mention looking good in this blog and of course I have to add a little bit of fashion to it. My entire outfit can be found at the April round of Designer Showcase. This is a great example of taking time to look good for others to enjoy. My dress is a little flirtatious number called DiDi from FINESMITH. The dress opens up to reveal a womens lovely back and the necklace that comes with the dress just draws attention to it. I have an odd obsession with peoples backs. Long story there.. Also, my boots are called Parrow Thigh Strapped boots and my purse is the Sasha Handbag. Both of these items are created by the LivGlam Boutique. The round is almost up so not too much longer to enjoy these amazing sales!

Sorry for such a long first post… I will stop here for now. I have a lot of things going through my head and more to come as I begin to venture out into SL more and meet others. Stay tuned for experiences both funny and probably a little sad because it seems I do often attract the sad. TOOTLES